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Safe Passagesupport for those struggling with homosexuality
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1. Repentance is closely linked with Forgiveness
Acknowledging our brokenness and dis-investing from lesser ways of filling in our needs--confession and repentance--prepares the way for us to allow our sins and the transgressions committed against us by others to be overshadowed and consumed by the cleansing river of His blood, poured out in His passion upon the Cross. Our repentance from pursuits outside of union with Him is met by His mercy on the other side. In addition to the turning from what is destructive or false, repentance is a step into His mercy.
2. His grace for us is the basis for Forgiveness
In our weakness, we are tenderly embraced by Him. He gives us a clear view of the wholeness He calls us to (and in the light of this, we see the extent of our brokenness), but regardless of our starting point in the process, He accepts us intrinsically (cherishing us in the midst of our struggles due to how he sees us, not what we do or how we respond)--this breaks the curse of our shame and perfectionism (e.g religious "He'll strike me dead" performance). This is so liberating, for as He accepts the hurting, contradictory elements inside of us, we can accept ourselves for who we are and where we are in the process.
3. Opportunity of Brokenness
Our reckoning with the reality of our brokenness affords us redemptive opportunities. Forgiveness, like repentance, is part of the ministry of the Cross--Christ's death and resurrection (wherein He enters into our sufferings and bears the sins committed by and against us, and cleanses us from its effects and leads us into His greater life). Christ's ministry to us, being incarnational, occurs most fully when we invite Him into the places that are broken. What is not acknowledged and shared with Him cannot be healed, for the healing is contained in the connection, the exchange between the wounds of our hearts and the wounds of the Crucified One. An example of someone who did this wholeheartedly is found in Luke 7.36-50. Our infirmities are the containers of His glory!
4. Acceptance is a sign of Grace
Having differentiated vulnerability from sin, we can have hope of abiding with our vulnerabilities--containing the needs and voids which are the access points for temptation. For He knows our struggle; He knows our frailty, and He loves us in the midst of it. No matter often and grievously we fail, the basis for our acceptability is God's view towards us--the Painter Who sees both the reality of the damaged canvas, and the fullness of the image as it truly exists in the Eternal--in the completeness of the vision he has held of us from before the foundations of the world. If we can grasp that the One Who knows us most completely is the One Who accepts us most profoundly, we can be free to be WHO WE ARE in the process--not trying to be somewhere we are not. Therefore, in allowing His acceptance of us to carry over into an acceptance of ourselves, we are free to follow Him with a clear, strong commitment to grow, yet abide in His presence (commune with Him in quietness) at peace in our incompleteness and vulnerability. We are freed also to share the journey honestly and deeply with others.
5. Reciprocity--Two Sides of Forgiveness
Forgiveness entails reconciliation of self unto God and self with others. Matt. 18:21-35 (parable of the ungrateful servant) is a strong message from Jesus to forgive others for their trespasses from the heart as we have been forgiven for our trespasses by God. These are two sides of the same experience--if we try to receive forgiveness while refusing to extend it, we don't have the whole picture, for our ability to receive forgiveness for our own sins is reflected in our willingness to appropriate forgiveness for others' sins against us. In other words, Scripture teaches that these are a unified whole--if (and only if) we can look to God to lift off of us the weight of another's offense (relinquishing control of its compensation), then we can look to God to lift off of us the weight of our own failures (releasing our grasp of our own adequacy). This ties in with the reality of God's nature--He is more essentially love than power (1John 4:8-16)--He responds to our wounding by others not by giving us more control (over our bodies, emotions, etc.), but by bearing and containing the darkness caused by the sin so we don't have to. This affords us a protected place in which it is safe to grow!
6. Boundaries Regarding Forgiveness
a. Forgiveness is not trust (or intimacy), for although we are commanded to love one another and God, we are never commanded to trust anyone--trust is built through relationship and is never obligatory. Furthermore, it may never become appropriate to develop intimacy with the other person, even if forgiveness is complete, for intimacy is based on trust as well. It is possible to love genuinely while maintaining boundaries consistent with what the relationship can realistically contain.
b. Forgiveness is not justification of the other person's actions--not a denial of what happened or a reframing of their acts as any less sinful. We may come to understand the broken inheritance which influenced them, but their offense against us remains the wrong that it is.
c. The decision to forgive is based in the desire to be more fully united with the Lord in reflecting His nature and living out His calling for us--not in fear. At the same time, the effects of unforgiveness are quite undesirable--e.g., bitterness, hardness of heart, control/ power, preoccupation with vengeance, and conformance into the image of the abuser.
d. It is a process, not an event--it involves feelings but does not consist entirely in feelings. Forgiveness-from-the-heart starts with a decision (an act of the will), progresses through clearly identifying the nature of the offense, experiencing the feelings associated with having been sinned against, and finally transferring the weight of resolution/ judgment to the Cross. The process is also cyclic--the feelings may come up and get resolved many times (deepening with each encounter), analogous to any other healing process. It may also involve releasing unhealthy expectations of the other, and seeking forgiveness for our part in the situation.
e. No one can prevent the process from being completed. Although it is easier if the other person is alive and genuinely remorseful, the work transcends death, unwillingness to change, or lack of concern in the other person. On the other hand, the decision does affect others--forgiveness releases God to work more in the other's (and our) life. In addition, it breaks generational ties-broken patterns which seek to play themselves out in all those bearing the family inheritance. Although difficult, forgiveness is limitless (Matt. 18:21 and Luke 23:34)--His arms of love, which were stretched out at Calvary, are big enough to bear the sins of the whole world!
f. An example for how to pray through forgiveness is in the Living Waters workbook, page 80-81.
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