English --Part 2
There is no egg in eggplant, nor
ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be
pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented
in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But
if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it
that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese.
So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn't
preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send
cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites?
How can the weather be hot as heck
one day and cold as heck another?
When a house burns up, it burns
down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm
clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car,
yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
English is a silly language ...
it doesn't know if it is coming or going!!!