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Safe Passagesupport for those struggling with homosexuality
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A personal response to the HRC criticism of ministries for those struggling with homosexuality in the "Finally Free" compilation of ex-ex-gay anecdotes
When I heard that a collection of testimonies was assembled by HRC [Human Rights Campaign], I braced myself for lots of polemics and hostility. However, when I read the testimonies for myself, I was relieved to discover that my fears were unfounded. Instead, I was drawn in by each writer's sincerity and unselfconscious honesty. I saw so much of myself in their struggles and resonated with the depths of their personal anguish. To me their accounts read not as attacks but as testimonies, and whether or not I have come to the same conclusion or walk the same path, they move me profoundly.
Indeed, I hope that all of my beloved friends and fellow ministers in Exodus will take the time to carefully read these stories and reflect on how we meet the needs of those who either come to a place of crisis in their journey and need to hear honestly from those of us who have chosen to forego physical intimacy with the same sex even if it means lifelong celibacy, or those who have reached a crisis of questioning whether the path they are walking reflects what they truly believe to be their calling and destiny. To do any less is to fail to minister to the whole person.
I also hope that all pastors, and all therapists who are entrusted with the dilemmas of those struggling with their sexual attractions and/or orientation will also read these accounts, for they reveal the difficulties of navigating a conflict between one's deeply-seated sexual desires and equally profound religious beliefs.
Those of us such as myself who support the ministry of Exodus and who lead groups reaching to individuals who embrace a similar path in light of our religious beliefs should ultimately applaud these stories being told and heard by the public at large. This holds regardless if the motivation of the HRC is primarily a political one, for a humble and fearless seeking of truth will enable us to forsake the dross and hold fast to a purer expression of our convictions. The truth in these testimonies is painful (I have been on the verge of tears much of today) but it makes us grow and is good.
As an aside, I had the privilege of conducting a workshop at the Exodus conference which directly addressed the issue of unchanging attractions. I took on this topic because of my passion for honesty and my belief that a group and/or commitment which is built upon promises of orientation change is built upon a foundation of shifting sand which will ultimately disappoint and hurt those who build their hope upon it. As a Christian, my greatest concern is not orientation change but discipleship in Christ. If someone hears my testimony and concludes that I am nuts for embracing an open-ended celibacy, then so be it. Although I know a number of Exodus people whose orientation has evidently changed substantially, I strongly believe in giving people an honest picture (change and lack of change) which enables them to count the cost beforehand and decide for themselves which path they will embrace.
I recognize this is not a politically expedient approach. I will probably never be hired by a pRR [political Religious Right] organization to proclaim the glories of celibacy. To the average person (Christian or not) my life would probably not look like a glowing testimonial of success for ex-gay ministries, and possibly the opposite.
However, I am not interested in drawing people to my ministry on the basis of guarantees that are not supported either by scripture or by witness. Whatever I could gain tactically would not be worth the devastation of lives from earnest but wishful expectations concerning affectional orientation, which I don't even need the HRC report to recognize because I have met so many of them already.
Nor am I interested in my life's struggles being used politically by those who choose to remain far removed from the painful realities confronting those who experience same-gender attraction. Those who find it convenient to believe that orientation change is a simple process of therapy or prayer need to come face to face with gays, ex-gays, and ex-ex-gays who live those realities day in and day out. These issues simply cannot be discussed in an airlessly abstract environment.
To some extent, the adoption of Exodus by the political religious right can enable a harmful disengagement from honestly considering the dilemma of those whose same-gender attraction is consistent but who do not hold the kinds of religious convictions which would compel them to seek orientation change and/or forego romantic intimacy their entire lives. It is unconscionable to ask such ones to make overwhelming sacrifices on the basis of beliefs they don't honestly hold. In this respect and in a larger sense, the more same-gender attracted people are open about their journey, the better and more honest the process will be whereby the culture wrestles with the [complex] dilemmas facing it.
Sonia
Sept. 13, 2000
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